Knock Knocks are for creative development. It's a no holds, no bars, hell in a cell of Knock Knocks. Creative dumps while I'm working on other projects and in between other posts where I can play around with formats, tone, genre, and styling. Some stories continue, some don't. Some are random characters I wanted to explore. Some are exercises, some are quick reviews, some are jokes, and some are poorly constructed jokes. Knock Knock.
Thiccc
Do you have too thick of a neck?Does it make you look like Thumb Thumb from Spy Kids?
Does your top button feel like it's going to shoot off trying to hold back your girthy stump?
Know that it's okay. It just makes you harder to strangle.
Think about it. The normal human sized hands can’t get around that tree trunk. Focus too much up front with the thumbs and they can’t get a good grip. Slip around the back and what chance are they gonna have of crushing the larynx?
None, I’ll tell you what.
This stocky bundle under your head makes it look perspectively smaller, but its an evolutionary survival trait to prevent your fellow man from man-handling your girthy neck. You’ll have sleep apnea sure, but think about how many more chances at life you’ll have without the threat of asphyxiation.
Howdy Neighbor
"Hey, it's great to meet you. I just moved into the neighborhood."
"Please don't talk to me."
Sit Down
[Concert hall]
In a middle row seat the male love protagonist, GUY, watches the female protagonist, GIRL, perform a meaningful love song. They are clearly having a moment. At the climax of the song the GUY stands up with passion and conviction, to portray he has accepted the love GIRL is offering.
Behind GUY, is a MAN whose view is now obstructed.
MAN looks at GUY and awkwardly shifts his gaze to his seated neighbors. His eyebrows are raised in confusion.
MAN, annoyed at not being able to see, taps the GUY in front of him. GUY turns around and looks down at MAN.
GUY: What?
MAN: Can you sit down? I can’t see.
GUY: Do you not see me and that girl up there are having a moment?
MAN: No, cause I can’t see.
GUY turns back around to ignore MAN. MAN does a quick “what the fuck” gesture. MAN taps GUY to get his attention again.
MAN: Buddy. Hey, I mean come on, can you sit down. You can have your moment sitting down.
GUY: [violently turns to the MAN]: What do you know about a moment, asshole? [GUY turns back around]
MAN turns to his wife with the same “can you believe this guy” look.
WIFE: Just let it go.
MAN: I can’t see. I know he can see whoever sitting down. Come on. [MAN taps GUY again] Hey, please sit down.
GUY: Would you shut the fuck up? [GUY turns back around]
MAN: What did he just say to me?
WIFE: Let it go.
MAN: No. I can’t see. That’s our daughter up there. We drove 5 hours for this. This guy can sit down. Where is security?
The MAN flags down a nearby USHER.
MAN: Hey, this guy won't sit down, and he's blocking our view.
A few other attendates give soft agreeances. The USHER gets GUY's attention.
USHER: Sir, would you please sit down? You're bothering the other guests.
The romantic song has wrapped with a big finale. The GIRL looks out from the stage to see a scuffle brewing between her love interest and the other attendates. GUY is pleading his case to USHER.
GUY: Me and that GIRL up there are having a romantic moment. That entire song was for me, and this MAN won't stop bothering me. I missed the entire ending because of him.
MAN: Why would that song be for you?
GUY: Would you butt out?!
The concert hall has grown silent at this point. The audience and performers are now focused on the argument. The GIRL is noticeably uncomfortable as her and the other performers move to the side of the stage.
USHER: Sir, I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
GUY: She sang that song for me! [He points at GIRL who ducks behind her friends to avoid being noticed] This idiot can't read a moment, kick him out.
MAN: You're a very violent person.
GUY: Butt! Out!
Security guards come to grab GUY and escort him out. GUY begins thrashing and yelling it's not his fault. A few attendees nod and clap their approval at his removal.
MAN turns back to WIFE, who shrugs. They both breath a sigh of relief now the interaction has passed. GIRL peaks out from behind her friends and looks down at MAN and WIFE.
MAN and WIFE get excited. MAN gives her a thumbs up and mouths, "Good job, honey." GIRL gives an akward smile and wave before walking off stage.
MAN leans over to another patron in the crowd with a video camera.
MAN: Hey, we're you able to get all that. That's my daughter who sang lead?
PATRON: Sorry, that GUY just stood up and blocked the last part.
MAN shakes his head in disappoint and leans back in his seat.
MAN: God, some people.